Bucket List

Did you ever make a "bucket list"?

I don't think I have ever actually made a bucket list, but I have definitely dreamt of things I want to do in my life. Where I want to go. What I want to experience. Like many, I want to travel more. I feel fortunate that I have traveled as much as I have, but here I am about to turn 43 and I realize I haven't traveled to nearly as many places in the world as I had expected to by this time of my life. Some people spend their entire lives working hard, saving and planning their dream trips. They retire and finally they have the time to go on those fabulous trips, but they spent so long working hard and neglecting their health that all the sudden they have these huge obstacles like diabetes, or stroke or heart attack, broken hip, arthritis, chronic pain, or any number of comorbidities that interfere with traveling the world. As a medical professional I see it all the time. I have worked with the young and the old in hospitals, nursing homes and home health. Everyone has at least one dreamy bucket list vacation they want to take. But reality sinks in, and the obstacles get bigger and bigger. Over the years I have had many hopes, fears, dreams and wishes. They have changed and morphed as my life has not taken the direct path that I imagined it would when I was a young girl. So what now? How do you work and take care of your responsibilities, plan for the future and also check off those bucket list items before its too late? 

Things I want to do before I kick the bucket...

• Have a baby or adopt a child ... maybe
• Lots of hiking. I want to hike in as many National Parks as I can. I have this little passport book for the National Parks. I want to get a stamp for all the National Parks in the US in my little passport book!
• While we are checking out the National Parks, lets hit as many State parks as we can too! I would like to make it my goal to check into at least 90% of the State parks in Texas and as many State parks in every state that I visit from now on. 
• Build a tiny house (or container home or a small cabin) and/or a Schoolie with my husband. 
• Find and purchase that perfect piece of land, in the mountains or the desert. Maybe on the Pacific coast or along the banks of a river or stream. Build our dream house on a foundation and park our schoolie in the back, sit on the porch and enjoy the peace and quiet of our little piece of heaven. 
• Visit the Holy Land. I would truly like to visit the holy land and walk the same places that Jesus walked. 
• Travel to Australia and visit my friend G and maybe catch up with a few other old classmates who have somehow found their way to living in Australia. 
• If your going to go all the way to Australia, you may as well stop over in New Zealand, too. 
• Go on an African Safari. 
• Volunteer in a mission trip anywhere in the world where I am called to. 
• Ski down a black slope at least once without getting injured, so that I can officially say that I have mastered skiing.
• Go fly fishing in the mountains of Colorado, Wyoming and Montana where my parents took us when we were kids. 
• I want to own and run a little boutique shop somewhere in a little tourist town. Sell yarn or crafts and goods from local artists. Maybe a shop that sells sustainable soaps, essential oils, body care. I don't really care what I sell. I just want to have a little shop in a cute little town like Manatou Springs, or Terlingua, or Forks. Someplace off the beaten path, but a place that is so majestic and peaceful it attracts visitors from all over the world to relax and enjoy the beauty of that little treasure of a town. 
• Walk to the top of Pike's Peak
• Invest in real estate (gotta have something to support me in my old age)
• Float in the Dead Sea 
• I would love to spend a week in Tibet, meditating with the Tibetan Monks in the mountains. 
• I would love to ride a horse across Mongolia, just like The Horse Boy!
• Take photography classes, especially old fashioned black and white film photography. 
• I would like to take a graphic design class as well, so I can design my own labels, clothing, projects, designs to incorporate with my crochet and sewing. 
• Learn to weave, just like my mom. She has tried to get me interested in weaving since I was a child. I never had the patience or attention span for it. But now that I am older and I have become more interested in my crocheting and sewing, I have realized I am a textile artist. So I am ready now. 
• Travel the US in the Schoolie that my hubby and I hope to build someday. Hopefully that Schoolie will help us check off many of my bucket list items. 
• I want to visit every hot spring I can find in every state and every country I visit!
• Collect textiles like handwoven blankets or crocheted items from every country I visit.
• I would like to hunt for moose or caribou in Alaska
• Catch a king salmon while fly fishing
• Someday, WHEN I Win a huge lottery jackpot, so that I can build a low income senior apartment (with assisted living and skilled nursing as well), with low income college student housing that allows seniors and college students to be room mates. College students get a break on cost of living by committing to spend time with their senior room mates and volunteering with other activities in the community. Other features will be a comprehensive early childhood program in the community where children can attend preschool and seniors can volunteer in the classes. With an animal rescue group/shelter/adoption center that also allows seniors to help care for puppies and kittens and other animals needing a little TLC before being adopted. My guess, is this would require at least 10-50 acres of land, and around 15-25 million to make it happen. A large jackpot could make it happen!

That is all I can think of for now. Maybe I will add to this list as I dream a little more. 

Long time, lots going on

So since we last chatted in June. We have a lot to catch up on...

I started in with the Keto hormone changes that you hear so much about, which resulted in horrible headaches that start with my period and then progress quickly into a migraine and then every afternoon is a 8/10 on the pain scale and last for up to 2 weeks. Have you ever had a Hormone driven migraine? HOLY COW! THEY ARE DIFFERENT! This includes waking up with a 5/10 headache and as the day progresses getting worse, more burning, throbbing and pain, sensitivity to light, sound, and lots of nausea. I have worked with 2 doctors now both have suggested estrogen gel as soon as the headache starts before my period, along with migraine medicine like Maxalt. The problem is, that this only works some of the time and not all of the time. So Since June, I had an episode of a 2 week long headache/migraine that was followed by a nasty infection probably upper respiratory infection which lasted another 2 weeks. So the start of my vacation was just peachy being sick for a month. I powered through all that on my own mostly. Fast forward to now, and I had another 2 week long headache/migraine at Christmas. The estrogen gel did not do anything to stop it or even slow it down. Maxalt and the other medication I was prescribed don't even touch these headaches, so by now I have a new primary care physician who is wonderful, but even she says this is as far as she can go to treat my headaches. I needed to see a neurologist. So I thankfully have a wonderful neuro doc in Houston that I have not seen in may years. I was able to get an appointment with him in late January. Sad to say that as we went through the usual questions about my headaches, I realized that I have actually been suffering from some level of headaches for years and almost daily. The good news is, he prescribed several new medications for me. One of them a monthly shot called Emgality. I was able to take 2 shots in the office and immediately by the end of the day was feeling some relief. WOW. Now I am in a fight with insurance to approve the medication for me. Insurance says they require documentation for "pre-approval" so I have been reaching out to the doctors office to make sure they submit that information.

So the unfortunate side effect of these headaches has been that I gave up doing keto months ago hoping that would help get the headaches under control quickly, but that did not work... so I am now just scared to death that getting back on keto will make them even worse then they already are currently. Have you ever had a 2 week long migraine? Do you have any idea what that is like? When nothing works? You cant Asprin, Alieve, Excedrin or any other NSAIDS, and the prescription migraine medicine doesn't even knock it back by 2%. In the end it takes about 3 days worth of anti-anxiety medication + Benadryl + Maxalt + sleep + water + magnesium + omega supplements to finally get some relief. Accupuncture and/or chiropractic treatments help a lot too. In my case at Christmas I was able to go see one of my fav old chiropractors who was so nice to open up his clinic on a Sunday for me. He worked on me for over an hour and a half! It was not cheap, but at that point was worth every penny to get some relief and to be able to try to enjoy the holiday with my family.

So this is where I am currently at:
Weight: 260
Keto Status: off the wagon
Plans: to get these headaches under control, then get back on keto

That is all I have for right now. I have so much more to talk about. I feel so guilty for not keeping up with keto, for not trying harder. But the fear of the headaches has been so great and no one, I mean NO ONE who does keto has any idea what this has been like for me. My headache history started long before keto, and for many years it was under control. It was never driven by my hormones before, but now they are and that makes it so much worse and so the fear of the headaches has taken a huge toll on me and I dont know how to get past this brick wall.

Please send me any positive vibes and prayers... mostly for the strength and motivation to get back on track. My mood these past few months has been terrible for a lot of reasons, this is one of the big ones. Thank you for reading. Thank you for your support.

CC